what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
