it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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