you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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