he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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