How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
