I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
