Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
