Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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