I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
