only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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