he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your penis caused this!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
