you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
