also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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