all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
