I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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