People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
