My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
