So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
