just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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