i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
