I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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