Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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