I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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