i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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