im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
