I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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