Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize