ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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