I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
