I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
