peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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