Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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