She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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