Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
