hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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