I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
