Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
