she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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