erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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