Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
