there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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