you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
