So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just found puke in my bra..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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