you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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