you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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