captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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