I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
