my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
