went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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