I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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