i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
