I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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