well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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