exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
