Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
