that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
