Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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