Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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