were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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