i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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