I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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