watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
