he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
