omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize