Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Boobs speak an international language.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
