i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
vagina is talking i cant
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize