Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
