my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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