she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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