First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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