Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
