Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
