We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
