i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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