He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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